Debate Club: Is It Okay For Your Friends To Hook Up With Your Siblings?

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But realize that if she hates the idea and you go for it anyway, it could end up messing up your friendship. He's fully aware of your bad habits Let's face it, we've all got one or 12. This is a terrible situation. Whatever it is, you know that a lot of your interests are aligned.

At that age, none of us understood restraint or discretion. I will hurt you with serious words. It appears to me that by dating him before he's had counseling you're taking sides; that's going to come back on you someday. Share your thoughts and stories in the comments section, and we'll see you in two weeks with more of your questions!

3 Ways to Date Your Best Friend

Appearing here Wednesdays, provides existential crisis counseling for the faint of heart. I talk to both of them constantly, all the time, about everything. Particularly dating, as we are all ladies in our 20s and that is pretty much our main interest. I think it feels almost incesty to me. Finally, the way it went down was pretty shady. They live in different regions of the country and also a different region than I do, but had expressed interest in each other, both being cute single ladies interested in ladies. I said it bothered me, she said she stopped. A few weeks later I was about to leave the country for six months so I was having a going away party. My friend happened to be in town that weekend and was coming. I decided to ignore the whole thing and hope it would go away, I mean they live thousands of miles apart. But after I had been away for like a month, I got an email from my friend saying she hopes I have the heart to forgive her, she flew my sister out on a secret trip to visit her, and they really like each other. There was no need for them to handle this like they did. But it just bothers me so so so so so much. How do I just be okay with this? You should feel happy for them. When I was in my twenties, my two closest friends in the world — my best friend and my exboyfriend — started sleeping together. I was fine with it at first, excited for them and surprised that my best friend who took me out to lunch to tell me thought it was going to be an issue for me. So not only did I feel like a big asshole who was being openly fucked with by the two people she loved the most, but I also felt that they were each totally willing to sacrifice their friendship with me just to pump up the titillation of their affair. I was already in a pretty fragile place: My dad had died of a heart attack, out of the blue, a few months earlier. Now I felt like I had no one to turn to. No one could be trusted. The two friends I leaned on the most were careless with me. When the three of us spent time together, I felt self-conscious and neither of them acted like themselves, either. Soon after that, I moved away. Later, I wrote about the unethical, self-serving behavior of urban hipsters. The three of us were extremely emotional, sensitive, confused people. At that age, none of us understood restraint or discretion. And I was full of unfocused anger and blame back then. I drank too much. All three of us just wanted to be heard and loved and supported, but not one of us was that good at hearing, loving and supporting someone else. We were too immature to tolerate how similar we were to each other. What can you do but grin and bear it? How can you go there with two people who once felt like yours and now belong to each other? You trusted them completely. You told them everything. I hate to tell a really negative story about your experience. I just want you to know that I know exactly how terrible this feels for you. You have lost something. Maybe we all have to mourn the loss of this kind of unconditional connection at some point. My best friend and I used to talk for hours on end, without a pause. We used to write songs and perform together. We were so full of ideas and so open-hearted and so young, and we really loved each other. How could you look back and sum that up as naïve? Forget how they told you about it, how you said you were bothered and they did it anyway. File all of that under: Two People In Love. You probably laid the groundwork for them to fall in love, too, because they had that shared love of you, that shared knowledge of you, right out of the gate. Maybe you learned, with each of them, how to be a good friend, how to listen, how to entertain, how to open up and tell the truth, and you taught them these things, too. They told a few little lies to protect their chances at love, to prevent you from coming between them. They have not trespassed against you, OK? I would be very careful about that. You can flag some obvious potential pitfalls of three-way communication, but I would not try to control what they talk about. If you get pissed about information getting passed between them, you could hurt them and hurt yourself and make a big mess. Keep your nose clean. If you have to detach a tiny bit, then do it. Take the long view and be gracious, at all costs. Most of all, though, I want to tell you to keep your heart open to them, as open as you can possibly stand. Platonic friendships between women are defined in such casual terms. Close friendships with women age differently. Even so, at that wedding, I looked at my ex-best-friend and thought: We may not spend much time together, before we die. How many people do you meet, who make you feel completely understood — sometimes to a fault? There was a magic to our friendship, to our collaborations, to our most mundane conversations. It feels important to honor that magic, even though it also makes me feel a little heartbroken, to think of how I protected myself from the pain of it, and lost her in the process. So keep your heart open. Admit that you feel terrible, and try to explain this loss without blaming them for having caused it. You can and you should make new friends. Forgive them and keep them close. You will get caught in the middle sometimes. She blogs about scratchy pants, personality disorders, and aged cheeses.

You'll be your charismatic, funny, authentic self, and that's what they'll respond to. It's probably something she needs to know before her part of step 3. If things go really well, when you eventually tell him, he will still be mad that all of this was going on behind closed doors. This is not a relationship that's going to work, and I think it's time for you to let go of it. Just can't be bothered with hassle and it's far too close with social circle. Moving slowly is a good way of avoiding confusing hot-and-cold behaviour. You probably laid the groundwork for them to fall in love, too, because they had that shared love of you, that shared knowledge of you, right out of the gate. Take some time apart to pursue your own interests and to make sure that you get the chance to miss each other. dating my sisters best friend Your best friend is also scared about this possibility, but you know what. I don't know what to do, do I wait for him to break up with her and just be a friend right now or do I go for it. He told me not to because the guy was a jerk.